Red Van Ramblings: Jacob

Boy of Summer

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 13:24:50 GMT

Jacob loves summer. He loves all that it means, but most of all, he loves the ocean--swimming, boogie boarding, digging and building in the sand. I absolutely love watching him at the beach--relaxed, at peace with himself, no pressure. The sheer joy on his face is priceless. It is the one place in this world where he is the most happy.

But, it's that time again.

If you have a school-aged special needs child, maybe you know what time I mean. The dreaded "back-to-school".

As we hurtle uncontrollably toward that day...August 21st...I can feel the anxiety creeping in. I try to hide it and push it away, but it keeps slowly rising in my gut. Like vomit burning the back of my throat. Jacob feels it too. In trying to prepare him for "that time", we've started talking about it. I've emailed school personnel. We've purchased his school supplies already. (Probably will get Emma's today...tax fee weekend and all.)

He says, "It's going to be the worst year ever." I say, "You'll be top dog! Eighth grader. Ruling middle school!" He says, "It's going to be awful." I say, "Give it a chance, buddy. You never know."

Yes, it's the unknown. But, for him, it's also the known.

It's knowing that he's going into this year with no friends. Knowing the self-imposed pressure of doing things perfectly is back with a vengeance. Oh, it's always there, but worse during the school year. It's knowing that high school is one year away. It's knowing that unexpected and painful assault on his auditory system is lurking around every corner. It's knowing that, as a 13 yr old boy, his body is changing and feeling out of control, which only seems to magnify some of his Asperger's behaviors/sensitivities. It's knowing you're different and wishing you weren't.

It breaks my heart. For many reasons. But mostly because I can't fix it--neither his self-perceptions nor some of the realities. Oh, we try to prepare him. We try to encourage him and get him all pumped up. Ever the optimist, I say, "This is your year, buddy! Go show them all how amazing you are."

I know how awesome he is. I see him as the fearfully and wonderfully made child of God who has amazing gifts and talents to offer and who has a purpose in this world. His teachers and most adults who know him, know how awesome he is. But his peers, well, that's a different story.

Learning to accept who you are--warts and all--in spite of whether you are accepted by others. Seeing yourself as you were created and intended to be. It all comes down to that, doesn't it? It's not something I can make happen for him. That's why they call it self-acceptance, I suppose. And I realize that getting to that place is a journey for all of us. Some get there faster and more easily than others.

I've heard so many people share about how their children have accepted their differences; they are proud of their autism. Proud that it makes them unique, special, not one of the cookie-cutter "normal" kids. They've come to view it as an asset in their lives. Truth be told, I always feel a pang of jealousy when I hear that. Oh, how I hope and pray for that day. When he realizes this gift he's been given. When he sees that it's good NOT to be like some of the jerky, jocky, I've-got-to-look-tough teenage boys out there who are trying so desperately to find themselves by making others feel badly about themselves. Asperger's makes some things harder, sure, but perhaps life would be harder in some other way if he weren't on the autism spectrum. Everybody's got something, I always say.

I try not to think too much about the future. Of course, it gets to me sometimes. I can't worry about things that haven't happened yet. I can try to guide him down the path of learning to appreciate who he is and steer him toward a future of doing something he loves. I can get him counseling, therapies and services. I can encourage him, love him, pray for him and trust God to both take care of him and cover the mistakes I've made.

And I watch him grow. Which gives me more joy than you can ever know.

That will have to be enough.

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"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

Your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be." ~Psalm 139:13-16 NIV

My Funny Valentine

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:49:18 GMT

"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon." ~Author Unknown

I'm feeling a tad delinquent here.

But let me get right to it...

Today is my sweet first born's 13th birthday. Yes, Jacob was born on Valentine's Day. Sweet, isn't it. He is my funny valentine!

So, in my house, V-day, per se, doesn't exist anymore. It's just pretty much Jacob's birthday. But I love it. If you're gonna have a holiday birthday, I think Valentine's Day is a great one. I mean, you get sorta gypped if you have a Christmas/near Christmas bday. July 4th, well, who can compete with the bday of an ENTIRE nation? New Year's wouldn't be too bad. But it's still close to Christmas. And I don't really think I'd like a Halloween bday. Leap Year, now that would pretty much stink. I mean, you'd only get to celebrate your "real" bday every four years! My mom's bday sometimes falls on Thanksgiving Day, and that's pretty cool. A Valentine birthday rocks, but it's hard to find a Valentine Birthday card. I need to give Hallmark a call. There are never any good ones. Or ONE I should say, because usually that is all there is. One measly sad (bad) one. Usually, I just skip it and get him a Valentine card and a B-day card. I mean, more is better, right? So, Happy Birthday to my Jacob. I can hardly believe we have entered teendom. It's pretty mindblowing. It just keeps getting better and better! The BIG news is that we are getting Jacob a parakeet for his birthday. He has NO idea. He loves birds. And he's been asking for one for a long time. I think I kept hoping it would pass. But it hasn't. His favorite bird is the bald eagle. He loves raptors and hawks, but they aren't exactly pet material. Neither is a bird that lives for like, 75 years (i.e. macaw or cockatoo). A parakeet is a good place to start. So, Hubby and I went and picked out a cage and the bare basics and we'll take Jacob to go pick out the one he wants. He is going to be out of his mind excited and I am too, because I know how much he's going to love it. More to come on that...

My retreat was great. And Big Red came through for me and took me right through the mountains without a problem. Unfortunately, my sweet friend/roomie was laid up with a terrible stomach bug pretty much the entire time. I felt so bad for her. I tried to resurrect my maternal skills, which I normally leave at home for that particular weekend, and give her some TLC. I was forcing the fluids on her. I told her that I really wasn't wanting to make a trip to the ER. She was pitiful. Aside from that, as always, I enjoyed the teaching and the time alone to just be quiet. I have to say, though, that I have been scared to death that I would come down with "the bug" too, but so far, I haven't. She was pretty religious about washing her hands and I was kinda anal about not getting too close. We'll see. The scenery was amazing there in Montreat, NC. It always is. There is something about breathing that (seemingly) clean mountain air that is so refreshing. Can't wait for next year! ;-)

The gift that keeps on giving

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 04:47:30 GMT

"Change always comes bearing gifts." ~Price Pritchett

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I'd like to say that I have discovered a new "gift that keeps on giving". It's called BRONCHITIS. We thought Jacob was on the mend, but he has continued with the cough and just being worn out. We took him back to the doc today and basically he said "Oh, bronchitis can go on for WEEKS and still not be completely resolved. Here, take some more steroids." WHAT? My poor kid, dark circles under his eyes, sudden hacking jags and sleepless nights. It's just ain't fair, y'all. Oh, how a mama just wants to make her baby all better! So, it's down the hatch with the 'roids, I reckon.

And speaking of my Jacob, can I brag just a minute? How are you going to stop me, really. My baby boy, my first born, is about to become, dare I say it? A teenager. He celebrates the big 1-3 on Valentine's Day. (Yes, it is sweet. No, we didn't consider calling him Cupid.) I am completely blown away by the thought of it. I think my child may be entering that beautiful phase of adolescence called puberty. SHHHH! Don't say it too loud! For Pete's sake!!!

I mentioned his (divinely inspired) growth spurt in a previous blog the other day. And I'm noticing some other changes as well. Let's just suffice it to say that I have seen some growth in other areas, okay? Yeah, we'll just leave it at that. (He would so totally die if he knew I was writing this, but hey, it's a mama's prerogative, right? Shh.) A sample conversation from a few weeks back:

Me: "Hey Jacob, lemme see your pits."

Jacob: "Why?"

Me: "Just lemme see ' em."

Jacob: "MOOOOM!!!! Don't look at my pits. They're MY pits! There's nothing growing there!!"

Me: "Well, I think I see something."

I know it's wrong, but I can't help myself. Watching your child develop acne and armpit hair is oddly fascinating as a mother. I would SWEAR that I saw some peach fuzz on his upper lip just tonight. Hey, at least I wasn't asking him that in ~~pubic~~, er, I mean, public. Give me some credit, will ya? Seriously, though, we've had some really interesting conversations lately, and I'm sure they will only get moreso. Bring it! I'm ready.

Oh, but I digress, I was going to brag on my boy...I mean for something else besides entering puberty. The kids got their report cards last week and Jacob made the A/B Honor Roll. I am so proud!! <Let me ALSO say that Emma made the A Honor Roll and I am EQUALLY proud of her...she is awesome, however she doesn't have the additional entering teenager-land/armpit hair development thing going on. I'm sure I'll get to blog about that soon enough! I already see it coming...like a Mac Truck barreling down I-95!>

When we moved here to SC, A)Jacob had never been in a Jr High/Middle School situation and B) the kids had never gotten "grades" per se in their previous school experience. In their school in Iowa, they received end of the year progress reports and we had 2 parent-teacher conferences during the year to find out how they were doing in their studies. Understandably, I was very concerned with how Jacob would handle this new situation because as most of you know, Jacob has Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger's (AS) is an autism spectrum disorder, one of the characteristics of which is difficulty with transitions. Change can be very unsettling for him, to say the least, but he has handled this move INCREDIBLY well and I really well up when I think about it. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all smooth sailing, but it has gone better than I had dared to imagine. Thank you, Lord! With his tendency toward perfectionism, I was concerned about how "getting grades" would go over. He has gotten some really exceptional grades and a few not so exceptional. And he has managed to handle that as well. The good ones have far outweighed the not-so-good ones and that has really had a very positive effect on his self-image, which has needed some work <gross understatement>. I give a lot of credit to his "shadow"...the one-on-one assistant who is with him throughout the day. She has really gotten to know him and understand him and that makes things go a lot smoother. She is a God-send! But I give more credit to Jacob and the really cool kid he is and how hard he tries to make things work. He has come so far. I am both terrified and thrilled to see what's ahead for him. Mostly, I'm very hopeful. But isn't that true for most mom's of adolescent sons and daughters?

I guess bronchitis isn't the ONLY gift that keeps on giving...

"Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons." ~Ruth Ann Schabacker

A Little Birdie Told Me...

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 15:52:00 GMT

"If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I." ~Michel de Montaigne

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I heard from a very reliable source (Jacob's shadow) that there is a little girl in Jacob's class at school who is crushing on him. Jacob is completely unaware of the crush. But, seriously. I mean, who wouldn't be crushing on my boy?? Just look at that face!

The other weekend, we were visiting with my family and friends at a conference in Kitty Hawk, NC. Jacob, and a very gregarious friend of my dad's, who I've known since I was probably 6 or something, were overheard having a conversation. It went something like this:

Friend: Whoa, Jacob! You're 12 already! You must have lots of girlfriends now!

Jacob: Pssshhh! (waves the friend off and makes a scrunchy raised eyebrow face) That's for next year!

HA!

Here's hoping she's willing to wait.

A conversation with Jacob

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 21:19:18 GMT

"Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep." ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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Here's something I forgot to mention, but it was so special I just wanted to share it.

As I've mentioned, last Friday was my birthday. (Not trying to milk any more birthday wishes out of anybody here.)

It's late and I'm tucking Jacob in to bed. He is so snuggly at bedtime and I always go in and get my hugs and kisses. I just love it!!

I lean over. We're forehead to forehead. After a couple of seconds, he pulls back and looks at me. He pauses, cocks his head. Then says in the most quiet, precious voice, "Mom, did you have a good birthday?"

Yes, buddy, I sure did. Thanks to you.

What a precious boy.

Game of chase anyone?

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 14:50:22 GMT

"It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him." ~Mike Royko

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So the dog chasing thing I wrote about a couple of days ago...well, it happened yesterday. Just thought y'all would like to know. It's never boring around here.

Jacob chased her, in his Tae Kwon Do uniform (she "escaped" just as he was walking in the door from TKD...4 inch crack, as per usual), and caught her ALL BY HIMSELF, all in about 10 minutes. That kid ROCKS!!! Totally flies in the face of my "needing a crowd to catch her" logic, eh? Oh well, I live to be proven wrong, I reckon.