Long time, no post. 

I must say I get pretty caught up in my days and basically feel overwhelmed most of the time.  So it seems, sadly, that my blog is what goes lacking! (Along with the laundry, vacuuming, etc.)  I have certainly thought about posting things that have happened and tell myself that “I’ll get to that tonight”.  But y’all know how that goes…it doesn’t!  Usually, my blog fodder ideas get condensed into 150 character or less Facebook statuses.  So, there ya go.

But today, Jacob and I had one of the best laughs we’ve had in a while and I had to share before the day got away. We’re on our lunch break, so here goes.

We’ve been studying recently about how our fine nation came to be…from colonies to a country.  These last couple of weeks, we’ve been reading the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.  Thanks to my friends at Schoolhouse Rock, we have memorized the Preamble.  Can’t stop singing it either!  I must say that the Constitution is quite the snooze-fest (sorry, but it is), but I rather enjoyed the Declaration of Independence, which I shamefully admit that I had never read before this week…not that I remember anyway.  They really slammed on my boy King George III.  You should read it some time. 

Anyway…as we were reading and deciphering the Bill of Rights today, we found ourselves at the 10th Amendment trying to figure out, in “regular person terms”, just what in the heck it means.  I gotta say that I’m still not completely clear on it, but it’s something about the power of the states and the people and blah blah blah, which led us to visit our friend Google to try to make more sense of it.  Then we started talking about how states can make some laws of their own, apart from the federal government (as long as they don’t violate the Constitution, of course!) and how stupid some of them are.  Which led us back to our faithful friend Google to look at some of the dumbest of the dumb. 

Which brings me to the reason we have all gathered here today…a Letterman’s Top Ten, of sorts:

Top Ten Dumbest State Laws (according to Jacob and Joell)

10. In California, it is illegal to pile horse manure more than 6 feet high on a street corner. (“Hey, hon?  Can you get me the the tape measure?  <sigh> Looks like Trigger might have put us over the 6 ft mark again…”)

9.  In Alaska, it is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. (Dead ones, no problem, though.)

8.  In Illinois, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on a curb.  (Consider yourselves warned, all you curbside beer bucket drinkers!  Just go stand in the alley with your bucket o’ beer, would ya?)

7.  In Kansas, it is illegal to hunt whales.  (Ummm, last time I checked there was no ocean in Kansas…is there something I’m missing here?)

6.  In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket. (Makes you wonder what kind of devastating tragedy prompted this law to be put on the books, doesn’t it?)

5.  In West Virginia, it is illegal for children to attend school with their breath smelling of wild onions. (“Dang it, Maw, I dun tole you not to put them thar onions on my sammich and now I dun landed myself up here in the pokey!”)

4.  In Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. (Okaaaaaaay??)

3.  In New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp soup.  (Dang, how else am I supposed to eat it??)

2.  In Texas, it is illegal to emit obnoxious odors in an elevator. (Sorry folks, but you better hold it in till you get to your destination.)

AND…Drum Roll Please!

1.  In Florida, it is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00 pm on Thursdays. (But any other day of the week you can just let her rip, apparently??)

And with that, because I know all my friends love Schoolhouse Rock just as much as I do, but mainly because I want y’all to have this looping through your brain with me, (Hey, I don’t want to suffer alone), I give you, THE PREAMBLE 70s Schoolhouse Rock Style. Enjoy.

 

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”  ~Chili Davis

It has arrived.  The day upon which I embark on a little adventure I like to call

“Holy Crap I’m Forty”. 

Yep.

Seriously, it is a very difficult concept for me to wrap my brain around.  How can this be?  Why, just last week, I was 21, right?? Or so it seemed.

Somebody once said forty is the new 30. Frankly, 30 kinda freaked me out, so I’m gonna say that 40 is the new 29.  Call it denial if you would like.  I can be okay with that.

Just roll with me here.

I wish I could flail my arms in the air and say “Yippee, I’m 40!”  But honestly, at this point in time, the main thing I’m feeling is, well, pretty flabulous.  And if I flailed my flabulous arms, anyone in my vicinity might be seriously injured, so we’ll just skip that!  I am very out of shape.  I’m moderately stressed. And by golly, the economy is nothing, if not uncertain.  So what’s a girl, er, middle-aged woman, to do?

Here are some things I’ve noticed of late:

• Recently, I have found some disturbingly random hairs growing inappropriately on my forehead…that is to say, somewhere in the space above my eyebrows and below my hairline, I’m having to pluck.  Something’s just wrong about that.  Thank God for tweezers is all I can say.
• Things creak when I get out of bed or walk up the stairs.  Sadly, it is neither the floor nor the stairs which is creaking.
• I don’t remember the last time the lady at the grocery store carded me when I came through the line with my bottle of Pinot Grigio.
• I say a lot of things my mom used to say to me that I swore I’d never say. (i.e., “Because I said so”,  “I’m not every one else’s mom”)
• I won’t give you the details, but my “cycle” has begun to change significantly.  I even think I had a hot flash yesterday.  Not kidding.
• I have to break out the 1.00 magnifiers occasionally and keep a pair in my purse and by my bed.

On the other hand, there are some things, that come along with being in your teens, 20s and 30s, that I’d just as soon not have to endure again:

• Making reallllllly dumb decisions due to being young and naive
• Dating
• Planning a wedding…boy, would I do A LOT of things differently (I’d keep the same sweet guy though!)
• Childbirth (Adore my precious ones, but wouldn’t want to do it again)
• Learning how to deal with passive aggressive people
• Learning that people are always going to judge you
• Learning that people are always going to give you unsolicited advice
• Learning to ignore the aforementioned judging and advising

There is a lot to be said for turning forty.  And the flabulousness could, with a lot, and I do mean a lot, of work, be turned into fabulousness.  Not that I am not, even at this moment, simultaneously flabulous AND fabulous. BUT, I would perhaps feel more fabulous if I were less flabulous…but, I digress…

Happy Birthday to Me!  I’m facing the big 4-0 head on!  Now let’s eat some cake, cause y’all know how I love me some cake!

“ Mmmm. Crunchy potatoey goodness”  ~ Emma as she took a bite of her McDonald’s hashbrown yesterday morning.

My kids are so funny.  It is not unusual for them to make me laugh OUT on a daily basis.  Jacob’s little comments all day long crack me up. 

The Algebra 1 curriculum we are using…Teaching Textbooks…LOVE IT!  I like to call it Algebra for Dummies, and by that I mean ME! not Jacob! FINALLY, algebra makes sense! WHY OH WHY didn’t we have this in 1984??? SIGH. But I digress…So, the lesson will often have funny word problems and they are right up Jacob’s humor alley.  Usually he will rattle off some extension of the word problem that is hilarious.  For example, we are working with negative numbers this week.  One of the word problems today was:

The second-rate superhero can only save 2 damsels in distress per decade, how many damsels can he save in x decades? 

(The answer is 2x damsels, FYI.)

Jacob turns this into a whole scenario about “Second-Rate Superhero”.  “Second-Rate Superhero.  The strength of half a man.  Able to watch bullets go flying by…”  Anyway, it was funny.

And speaking of funny.  My kids, my budding film makers, have been at it again.  This time playing with stunt fighting and sound effects…

ENJOY!

Didn’t you just love the bloopers??  Thank God for humor!  It totally gets me through! 

That,  AND Special K Chocolatey Delight my new favorite cereal and indulgence! Can you say PMS??  That may have been TMI, but I’m just sayin’, it’s really hitting the spot these days. Get some!

Here is a little post script to the last entry…

It’s a film Emma (AKA Cinematic Genius) made that she calls…

…DUN DUN DUN…

The Sad Ending of Peanutbutter the Cat. 

Enjoy.

UGH!  It used to just be the little next door neighbor BOYS that would hang out in our yard, or sometimes just walk in our back door unannounced. They would always be there stalking poor Jacob every time he would carefully and oh-so-quietly slide the back door open. 

And now it’s their CAT too???!  OY VEY. 

Earlier in the summer, I redid our flower beds in the front of the house laid down some of the stuff that is supposed to repel the weeds and then put some nice mulch out.  It looks quite nice, if I do say so myself.

Well, apparently Peanut Butter, the cat, thinks it’s quite nice too…AS A LITTER BOX!  Not only that, but the cat seems to make himself right at home—under my car, lounging on my driveway, relaxing in my bushes or out in the yard.  I find myself getting more and more annoyed.  Dang, at least the little boys don’t take a dump in my mulch.

SIGH.

Then on Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in the front room of our house, at the computer desk, talking on the phone with my sweet friend Lisa P. (hollaaaa!). All of a sudden, I look out the window and I see him. 

Caught him red handed copping a squat in the mulch around the dinky tree in my front yard!

Still on the phone, I bolt out the front door, like a raving lunatic, shouting and shoo-ing the cat in mid squat.  He runs off, of course.  I mean, wouldn’t you if some crazy person was coming at you like that?

I smile in satisfaction at my success, and then, I look up. 

A couple of houses down the street, I see three of my neighbors (not the cat owners) have enjoyed the show as well.  

You know I DO try to bring joy to my friends and neighbors.  SO embarrassing. Oh well.

I’m not going to lie.  I have had some ill will towards Peanut Butter in recent days.  I even consulted my friend Google on“how to keep cats out of your flower bed”.  I guess I don’t want to *really* hurt him.  But I do want him to go away.  Sadly, I am too wimpy to go to the neighbors themselves and say, “hey, your cat is a…nuisance”.  I could secretly call animal control.  But then, I’d feel all guilty.

For now, I’m just putting some orange slices out in the flower bed and around my tree.  Google told me that cats dislike citrus. 

I hope Google is right.  Cause, I’d hate for something bad to happen to the kitty.

But, you didn’t hear that from me.

 

The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leaves us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!

~from Robert Burns’ poem To A Mouse

Today’s plan WAS to include some sort of cleaning/straightening up around the casa.  Somehow that hasn’t yet happened.  Could be the cleats that I had to go all over creation to find for Emma took WAY longer than I had budgeted time-wise.  Now I’m just feeling lazy after a long week.  And what I really want to do is just go lie on the couch and watch the crazy housewives of Atlanta or a marathon of Bridezillas or CSI or some other brainless TV.  Go ahead and laugh, but you know you want to do the same thing.

I spent the majority of today with Emma (who is awesome) and her friend Kayla (who loves the 80s and all it’s music and has a very dry wit—digging that kid!  She knows the lyrics to Prince’s “When Doves Cry”…I’m not kidding!)  They are both 11.  We were shopping around looking for the elusive cleats for Emma.  Softball has started back up and the cleats I bought for her (for seven dollars on clearance) last spring from Wally World don’t fit her anymore??!  I was astounded when she went to put them on last week and they were too tight.  My kids are growing like weeds, I tell you! 

I measured Jacob and Emma in mid-June…just a couple of months ago…and Jacob was 5’3 3/4”.  I measured Jacob on Tuesday of this week (we are following his height and weight as part of his PE for school) and he was 5’5”!!!  Okay, let’s do the math people.  That means my child has grown 1 1/4” in 2 months time!  At that rate, he’s going to be like 6’ by next summer!  Keep in mind, his daddy is about 5’8 1/2” on a tall day.  I’m about 5’ 7 1/2” myself, but dang!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he’s growing.  For a long time, he walked around saying he was going to be a midget (his word, not mine, I realize it is not PC)!   Granted, he stayed the same height for years it seemed!  But now he may very well become the Jolly Green Giant!  Not something I had exactly planned on.  But, hey, you just never know!

I hear the couch calling, so I’m going to answer.  The dishes will get done when they get done!  I have a strong suspicion that they aren’t going anywhere.

 

“My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.”  ~Ashleigh Brilliant

Just as a preface…all summer, I SWORE I’d get back to blog land…I am NOT a quitter, after all.  Obviously, that never happened.  The few readers that would drop by here from time to time may have quit ME though…can’t really blame you.  Some vacay I’ve had.  Last blog was May-something?  Sad, very sad.  No REAL excuse for my absence, just seems like life has gotten in the way.

Moving on.

I have landed at a place in my life where I never thought I would.  In fact, not only did I THINK I never would, I also SAID I never would.  You know how they say that word “never” will come back and bite you in the butt???  Yeah, well, they are right.

As of August 17th, I am the proud mother of a high schooler and a middle schooler.  When I had my babies, and they were my little cuddly, yummy, sweeties, I never spent any time really thinking about the fact that they would actually GROW UP!  I never imagined myself here in this stage of life.  It’s kinda freaked me out a little.

But, occasionally, some speeding, out of control trains are overlooked by our friend Superman, and they speed on toward you with no hope of ever being stopped!

SIGH.

And so here I stand, on the tracks, staring dead in the face of that train as it barrels down the tracks in my direction.

Enough with the analogy already.

SO, Emma has now spent a full week at her new school.  And she is loving it!  SHWEW!  So glad.  She is concerned that she doesn’t really have any friends yet. But I feel sure that is short-lived.  She has handled it all like such a champ.  Do y’all feel my proud mama vibes?

Jacob has also spent a full week at his new school.  And so have I.  Because, as it turns out, I am his teacher.  Yes, we have made the head-long jump into the world of homeschooling (AKA the thing I said I’d “never” do).  I never saw it coming—well, not until a few months ago anyway—and yet, here I am.  Here WE are.  Our front room has been transformed into a “schoolroom”, complete with maps, textbooks and whiteboard.  It has been the most exhausting and the most rewarding week I’ve had in years.  No lie.  That kid is one amazing kid.  Can’t wait to see what we learn this year, and I don’t just mean academically.

I’ll keep y’all posted.

I am starting to sense that excitement that comes with nearing the end of another school year.  Could be that there are only thirteen days of school left, but who’s counting, right?  Suddenly I have a little more pep in my step.  It is an unexplainable sense of relief. 

People—other mothers—often say to me, “How can you love summer so much?  The kids are out of school and every two words out of their mouths are “I’m bored”.  How can you stand it?”  My answer is, I just love having my kids around.  I like my kids.  Of course I love them, but I sincerely like them as people.  I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I do, in fact, think my kids are the cooliest.  They are hilarious.  Yeah, they have their moments where they get on my nerves, but thankfully, those are few and far between.  They get along with each other extremely well and will often hang out together.  They are really incredible kids.

For example, the other day, my precious Emma made this for me:  

She also made this AWESOME bookmark for me:

I ask you…How well does this kid know me???  I mean look at the adorable little beach bag and the sunglasses hanging off the side.  How cute is that?!  Just out of the blue, for no reason, she made these.  AND she didn’t ask me for anything later! HA HA.  I can’t think of anything extraordinarily spectacular I had done that day to deserve such recognition.  Just the “yooszh” (iCarly terminology for “the usual”…and if you are unfamiliar with iCarly, then you are obviously not getting your quota of Nickelodeon.  Sheesh!  Hop to it, people!).

Jacob is no slacker either.  When we’ve gotten through a lengthy night of homework for example, he’ll always hug me and say, “Thanks for helping me with my homework, Mom.”  It tears my heart out every time.  I look at that kid…that 14 year old precious boy who is getting to be as tall as his mama…and I just want to EAT HIM UP!!  I simply cannot help it.  I’m getting all verklempt just thinking about it…I need a moment…I’ll give you a topic…

Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island.  Discuss.

<deep cleansing breath>

Okay.

To top it all off, they tolerate my incessant singing outbursts and the fact that I make them listen to 80s music.  Not to mention the Friday Dance.  And I honestly think they are only moderately humiliated by my presence.  Which is a good thing…they won’t be shaking me anytime soon!   Muahahahaha!  And, of course, I do see it as my job, nay, my parental responsibility, to do embarrassing things occasionally. 

They are really something, those two.

Now, who wants to ask me how I can stand summer??

Well, I’m sitting here playing Bejeweled and trying to think of something witty to write about, as I see I am ever so quickly sliding down the slippery slope of blog delinquency once again. 

Darn you, Facebook!  *shakes fists*

I had a “moment” last week.  You know, one of those times where you re-learn something you already know.  Maybe you’ve never had that experience.  If you haven’t, I’d say it’s probably because you are a lot smarter than me...or maybe you just don’t give a hoot.  Regardless, I find that I need a lot of repetition to “get” something.  Or at least, I need a lot of reminders. 

Last Tuesday evening Emma and I went over to her new middle school for band registration for next year.  Emma has watched her big brother play French Horn for the last 4 years and has been not-so-patiently waiting for HER turn to play a band instrument.  Her time has arrived.  She has been saying for a long time that she is going to play the trumpet—which I thought was pretty cool. 

The point of the band registration night was for the band teacher to demonstrate each instrument and then test each child’s ability with said instruments to see how well suited they are…oh, AND to get these kids all jacked up about being in band! Woohoo! 

Emma wrote down her top 3 to try: 1)trumpet 2)baritone 3)trombone.  When her turn came to try the instruments, she was able to get sound out of all three, but had the least success with the trumpet.  She could hit the lower registers, but not the higher ones.  She got some very nice sound from the baritone and the trombone, so they were possibilities, but I could read Band Lady’s face…she was thinking Em might should branch out of the brass family and venture into another land, say, perhaps, woodwind.

Hmm. 

Now, in MY mind, I’m thinking, (no offense to any of you professional clarinetists out there) PLEASE not the clarinet…those things sound excruciating when someone is learning them.  And with the noise sensory issues in our home, I was thinking, chronic major meltdowns!  Band Lady kindly asked Emma if there were any other instruments she would like to try.  Emma gave her patented shrug and looked at me.  I said, “Well, we’re here…now’s the time to try them all.  Just for fun, why not?”  I suggested she blow some air over the flute.  She agreed.  (I hope she continues to take her mama’s advice. Ha!)  Band Lady put that flute up to Emma’s lips and I must tell you that something magical happened.  The loveliest and most effortless sound came out and I think we were all surprised.  Band Lady’s wide-eyed excited response—“Wow, girl!” 

Once Em finished trying the instruments, we were asked to go discuss which one she thought she’d like to play.  Band lady’s list of most promising instruments for Emma were flute, then baritone and then trombone.  As we stepped outside to talk about it, I asked Emma, “Are you disappointed?” 

Emma: Not really.

Me:  It wasn’t what you expected was it. 

Emma: No.

Me:  Getting notes out of the trumpet was harder than you thought, wasn’t it.  Did the flute feel more natural to you?

Emma: Yes, it did!

Me:  You were surprised when you got that kind of sound out of the flute, weren’t you? <pause> (I could tell she was thinking)  What do you think about playing the flute?

Emma: Mooom, EVERYBODY plays the flute.  I wanted to do something different.  But it was the easiest. 

(In my mind, I’m thinking yes, EVERYBODY plays the flute, but EVERYBODY also plays the trumpet…take a look at the band next time…lots of flutes, trumpets, and yes, clarinets.)

We talked it over some more.  She asked me what I would do.  I told her it was her decision, that if she really would rather play baritone or trombone, she certainly could.  I was sure with practice she’d be great at any of them, honestly.  (The girl does not like making decisions…wonder where she gets that from.)

I had to chuckle to myself about how funny we are.  We, in our humanity, make our plan and then set out to put it in motion.  Often, we will close our eyes to anything other than our way.  “I am going to play the trumpet!” we proclaim. I imagine God, in His sovereignty, smiling and saying, “Wait, I’ve got something better, something that will fit you just perfectly. Just listen to that magical sound that comes from that flute when you blow! You didn’t expect THAT did you??”  She had her heart so set on being a trumpet player that she hadn’t even considered the possibility of something else.  It was all a little too familiar.

This won’t come as a shock to you, but things don’t always turn out like we plan—which is not necessarily a bad thing.  It is God’s plan—instead of your own—working its way into your life.  And it is always for the better.  We just have to allow for that possibility.  More trust and less rushing in head first with our own determined will leading us.

Emma went back in and told Band Lady that she wanted to play the flute.  (Her decision, really.)  Turns out that there are only 2 other students besides Emma planning to play flute next year. 

We got in the car to go home and she said, “Mom, I’m so excited!  I’m going to be a flute player!”

I had to laugh…and I had to laugh at myself.  We’ve all heard the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, just go ahead and tell Him your plans.”  Of course I *know* this…this “things don’t usually go how you plan”. How many times have I told God what I was or wasn’t going to do?  Rushed headlong into something with “my plan” and then either had to eat my words or clean up the big mess I had made! 

I don’t think our moment was so much about what instrument Emma would play, but more about both of us hearing God say, “See?  Trust My plan…there IS one, you know!”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Today commences another year’s standardized testing aka torture.  I know I complain about it a lot, but honestly, I have now decided that it’s not so bad because there is no homework during testing weeks! That’s a BIG “thumbs up” here in mi casa!

Meanwhile, Emma has celebrated her 11th birthday!  So hard to believe.  She is growing up before my eyes…they both are… and turning into such wonderful people.  I really LIKE my children.  I love them like crazy, but I really like them as people.  I like hanging out with them.  They are such cool kids.

There was the obligatory sleepover birthday party.  Complete with going to the pool, making our own pizzas and decorating flip flops.  I think the girls had a good time.  Personally, I was exhausted.  But I’m glad Em was happy.   

In other news, thanks to my high school buddy Yvette, I have discovered another cool something here on the world wide web…Pandora Radio.  This is SO COOL!  It is free and you can basically customize your own radio station.  You have to check it out.  I have created an 80s station that I am LOVING.

Life is busy around here.  Emma is playing softball, seems like a lot. But she is having fun.  Their record is currently 3-7, but they have improved tons since their first game.  Think Bad News Bears-ish.  But now they are fielding that ball and getting some hits.  Go Her-icanes!   

Jacob is working hard too…we began the summer countdown a little while ago…back at day 40.  Today is T minus 20 and counting!  We are all SO ready for this year to be over and move toward our homeschool plan for next fall.  He is excited.  And so am I.  Excited but nervous.  I’m not sure how it is all going to look, but I am going to make it work.  I always say that whatever God calls you to do, He equips you to do it.  And there is no other way that I’d be fixing to homeschool except that it is a God thing.  Trust me.  I was one of “those” people who always truly admired those who could homeschool, but I wasn’t one of them.  Well, here I go.  Yes, I hear God (and some of my friends) laughing too.  I’ll keep you posted. 

Emma however, will be going to public school.  She was accepted into a local middle school of the arts.  So, she is really excited about that…in spite of the fact that none of her friends are going.  She says she’ll be lonely; I say, not for long. 

But let’s just get through the next 20 days, eh?  And then breeze on into the summer.  Anybody else out there feeling me on this?? 

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” ~Ferris Beuller

My blogging consistency has been suckish at best lately.  Why it has become so NOT the priority is a mystery.  Well, maybe not THAT much of a mystery.  I guess when things are not the greatest around here, I find it difficult, nay, impossible to fake it and make it all look nice and pretty here at the blog!  And I promised myself that the blog would not become a whine-fest.  So, that is why you haven’t heard from me lately.  As my mama used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”  Didn’t everybody’s mama say that??

But just to try and give you a non-whiney version of the past month’s events, here is the abbreviated version:

8th grade, puberty ridden, wonderful Asperger’s boy.  Suffering endlessly with his noise sensitivity.  Near middle-aged, waaay post puberty, slightly crazy mama.  Not knowing how to fix things.  10 days of Auditory Integration Training, with many prayers offered up begging God to use this to help my son.  It’s one of those “wait and see” deals.  Still praying.  God, are you tired of my begging yet?  Mix in there the need to make decisions about how we will now handle his high school education and the stress THAT induces.  (I’m pretty sure we’re home schooling.)  Additionally, an overwhelming sense of whirling around in circles going to softball games and practice, (Emma is playing for the first time ever and having a blast.) and an inability to feel like I am on top of any home chores AT ALL.  Hubby is uber stressed at his work and I am about convinced that everyone there is insane in the membrane except for him.  He is so fantastic and such a hard worker.  Why can’t they see that?

Blah blah blah.

Now, see?  Aren’t y’all glad I haven’t blogged for a month straight about that mess?

Moving on.

Yes, moving on.  Cause that’s what life does.  It just keeps moving right along and if you don’t keep moving with it, well, you get left in the dust, my friends. 

Last night we had terrible thunderstorms here.  I woke up to this:

It’s supposed to look like this:

That’s what the left side of the garage looks like.  Keep in mind, I did not plant these jasmine vines.  They were here when we moved in.  I hate them passionately all year except for right NOW because their fabulous fragrant blooms make me close my eyes and smile and breathe deeply their scent when I walk past.  Otherwise, they are just a pain because they require a good bit of maintenance.

So, now add to my long list of things to do today to figure out some way to re-rig up my jasmine vine.  Errrrgh. I feel a trip to Lowe’s coming on.

Emma’s 11th birthday is tomorrow.  I have promised to make her a pound cake.  My grandma’s recipe.  THE best pound cake, EVER.  Rather labor intensive, but anything for my baby girl.  So add to my trip to Lowe’s a trip to the grocery store and probably a trip to my favorite store, Kohl’s, to find some little gifties for Em for her special day.  Slacker mama waits till the day before to shop.  OY. 

So what am I still doing here??  I reckon I’m moving on…

This is late in coming, but I’ve had some trouble finding my inner-blog for a while and I still wanted to get the word out there…even though it is the end of April!  But I hope y’all will appreciate my feeble attempt to share what is a big part of our lives with you! 

Fourteen years ago, our lives changed forever…we became parents to the most beautiful baby boy ever born.  Five years after that, our world was rocked in a way I will never be able to adequately describe here.  We have been blessed beyond measure and experienced the depths of sorrow.  We have celebrated victories and walked through challenges.  We have cried, but more often we have laughed.

In April of 2000, our son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, a high functioning form of autism.

April is Autism Awareness Month

So, what, exactly, do I want you to be aware of?  What do I want you to know about my son and others like him?

• 1 in 150 births are affected—this makes autism more common than pediatric cancer, juvenile diabetes and AIDS combined.
• 1 – 1.5 million Americans are living with autism
• autism is the fastest growing developmental disability
• every 20 minutes, a child is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder
• autism is disproportionately more common in boys than in girls
• the cause, though often speculated about, is unknown and there is no cure

People with autism experience challenges in three primary areas—social interaction, communication and repetitive behaviors.  These challenges vary in severity from mild to debilitating.  There is a huge amount of information on the web now about Autism, PDD, and Asperger’s Syndrome.

What I want people to remember most of all is that people with autism are people.  People who want to be loved, understood and accepted.  People who have gifts and talents to offer the world. 

This is a video I made last year for Autism Awareness Month…thought I’d share it here again.

So I broke down and cleaned the carpet this week.  I mean, the in-laws are coming this weekend and all…otherwise I probably would have waited another six months.  It was pretty gross before I cleaned it and I’ve gotta say it doesn’t look much better post-cleaning.  What is up with that??  I would really like to have some wood floors throughout my whole house.  Carpet is evil.

Unless you live under a rock, you know that American Idol is in full swing.  I am a huge fan.  But, I didn’t get to watch last night…and it was MOTOWN night too!  OH, how I do love me some MOTOWN!!!   What’s a girl to do??  Search the world wide web, that’s what.  I was able to view the contestants’ performances on You Tube.  My faves for this season are…Allison, Danny and Adam…in that order.  For your viewing and listening pleasure, here is my favorite performance of the evening…

Granted Adam did that WAY bizarre over-the-top Ring of Fire rendition last week…it was just WEIRD…but this, THIS was pure genius.  Second favorite performance of the night was Allison’s Papa Was a Rolling Stone…WOW.  That girl has got some PIPES!  Holy COW! She blew the roof off!  Did I mention she’s only 16 years old??!

Meanwhile, we have navigated through an interesting week around here.  Sensory issues abound.  Did y’all know that there are shiny happy people everywhere?  How DARE they laugh and enjoy themselves??  UGH.  Poor Jacob.  He spent all of last week at home…y’all recall the flu that visited us.  So, he had the week at home.  In the quiet house.  Didn’t wear his earplugs at all.  Only to return this Monday to the onslaught of 800 squealing, giddy, pubescent 6th, 7th and 8th graders.  It was not pretty.  We are in the process of trying to make some adjustments for him at school.  We are also trying to schedule a listening therapy called Auditory Integration Training (AIT) which has been successful for some people on the autism spectrum with noise sensitivities.  At this point, we are desperate to help him.  It hasn’t been easy for him to get back in the groove.  I guess the saving grace is that we have a 4 day school week…oh, the beauty of the teacher workday…so we’re easing back in.  We will get through the next two months and then we are making some major changes.  More on that later.  Haven’t got the whole plan formulated just yet.  I’ll keep y’all posted. ;-)

And with that, I’m off to the Home Depot to find some twine to repair the trampoline net…again. 

“It kills you to see them grow up.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.”  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

Yesterday morning, after chatting with one of my dear friends, I found myself wishing nostalgically for “the toddler years”…thinking back to how easy life seemed back then.  There was no school…none that mattered anyway…no homework…no dashing around…no pubescent stress…no impending high school drama…no acne.  Only sticky toddler kisses, potty training and play time. 

Seems like life was much simpler then—or was it?  Maybe I’m having an attack of selective memory.  That happens to me a lot.

Maybe what was simpler was the outlooks of my children.  There were no big, life changing decisions to be made.  Just drawing pictures of stick people—who really weren’t stick people at all. Instead, they were circles with four lines sticking out around the circle and their flat hair drawn oh-so-carefully on top.  Writing stories about happy round stick people.  Happy little stories.  And them saying things like, “See my stick people?  They are happy.”  Lots of “Play with me, Mommy.  Look at what I made, Mommy.  Read to me, Mommy.  What is this, Mommy?”  Slower pace.  Stopping to smell the roses and all that.  Ahh, sweet simplicity.  ::sigh::

They didn’t look beyond that moment.  And I don’t think I did either.  Back when they were 4, the future seemed a long way off.  And now, suddenly, it’s HERE.  The future has snuck up on me and WHACKED me on the head.  It’s daunting.  And it seems like life is so serious all the time.  Boooo seriousness.  Boo stress.  Boo dashing about like a lunatic.

I spent so much time back then wanting to get through the current stage of life.  With the constant, “when they get older, things will be easier” rolling around in my head.  What was I thinking?!  Each stage brings its own set of challenges, stresses—and joys.  It’s funny how I used to want to speed time up and now I just wish we could slow it down.

But I am so easily sucked in by all the hustle and bustle.  Worrying about “getting things done”.  I do try very hard to relish every moment.  Because I think now I realize how fast it all goes by.  I am trying very hard to watch my kids.  I mean, really watch them. Take it all in and slow down a little.  It is not easy.  And it takes conscious effort. 

Because really, even though they might not be saying the actual words anymore, my kids are STILL saying, “play with me, watch me, what is this, Mom”.  I just have pay a little closer attention so I don’t miss it.  And isn’t that the whole point? 

Cough cough cough

So Jacob is still home with me this week.  He is feeling much better, but I am still concerned about the germ spewing he does every time he hack hack HAAAAAACKS, and I feel his school would appreciate me containing said germs to my own home.  I should add that he’s still looking mighty pasty. 

Selfishly, I like having him home to dote on.  We have managed a little bit of schoolwork.  He has rested well the last two nights and is so good about taking all the meds I am currently pushing on him. 

Just call me his dealer.  Or Elvis.  Whichever. 

He has only left the couch on rare occasions.  I think he can wear himself out just walking to the bathroom.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now though…just hoping and praying that nobody else gets it.  The Germ-X abounds in my house!!  Emma got home from school today and has sanitized about 6 times…without being asked.  Now there’s a kid who doesn’t want to be down with the flu! 

I was fumigating the kids’ bathroom today and it occurred to me that I was finding these random blobs of toothpaste EVERYwhere.  I ask you, HOW does one get toothpaste on the wall, door, sink, floor, cabinetry, mirror and tub??  Seriously.  I imagine the kids dancing an Irish jig around the bathroom whilst flinging their toothbrushes around in the air.  Michael Flatley’s got nothin’ on them!

Or maybe it’s just been a really long time since I’ve cleaned the bathroom. 

OY. 

Either way, toothpaste blobs are on my poo list.

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book."  ~Irish Proverb

The FLU has landed.  Right here in the cuckoo's nest.

Right here on my poor baby boy.  So pitiful.  Baby girl was sick with the creeping crud last week, and thankfully, she has now recovered--with the exception of the occasional hacking jag.  But my boy is feeling like doo-doo, y'all!  A nostril swab (aka brain stab! YIKES!) has proven that my boy has contracted Influenza "A"...I suspect from the kid next door who has been down with the flu for over a week now.

I can't recall any of us ever having had the actual full on for real flu before.  Oh, we've had stuff before...real bad cruddy stuff.  But to actually be diagnosed with "Influenza"...well, there's something just a little bit more medically alarming about that.  Plus, it just tops off an already foggy, dreary, rainy day!  Good times.

I went to my local drug store and picked up all the prescribed pharmaceuticals, as well as a boat load of hand sanitizer and new toothbrushes for everyone!

I'm envisioning my whole house and its entire contents being lifted by some ginormous crane and lowered into a big 'ole vat of hand sanitizer.  Like a flea dip...or a flu dip, if you will.  <insert cheesy grin here>

Let the fumigation begin! 

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."  ~Bill Watterson

Yellow--

My car is yellow.  (No, I didn't get a new car.  The Edge is doing just fine, thank you very much!)  The pollen is out in FULL force down here in the South!  Complete with sniffy nose and scratchy throat.  <a la Pacino, "Say hello to my little friend"--->Zyrtec!>  Hubby and Jacob take their allergy meds all year round.  As for Emma and me, we just get all puffy-eyed and drippy-nosed once or twice a year.

All that yellow has "We All Live in a Yellow Submarine" looping through my brain.  Not my favorite Beatles song, by any means.  I like "Imagine" a whole lot better.  It makes more sense anyway. 

But whatever.

Friday Funny--

I saw something over at my other home (Facebook) this morning and wanted to share it with all 3 of my readers over here.  Y'all may be aware of my affinity for Chick-Fil-A...but this describes it oh, so well.  Please enjoy the vocal comedy stylings of Tim Hawkins, who is hilarious.  Please go visit his site or search him on You Tube, you won't be disappointed.

Meanies--

So I was headed over to pick up Emma from school while ago.  The elementary bus had just dropped off here in the 'hood and so there was a gaggle of elementary children spread across the road and sidewalk.  What do I spy but some little bully grabbing another kid by the wrist and bashing him in the stomach with his knee? 

I couldn't control myself.  I rolled down my window...

"Hey." <kid is ignoring me> 

"HEY!" <meany is still ignoring me and STILL abusing the other kid>

"HEEEY YOU!" <got his attention, but he's giving me the "who me??" look>

He's lucky I didn't get out of my car.

"ACT RIGHT!"  That's what I said to him.  Act right.  Kinda dorky, but I made my point. 

Well he stopped beating up the other kid.  And he moved away and was looking all around like "I didn't do anything".  <UGH.>

This is the VERY reason my children do not ride the bus.  Kids often do not get called out on their bully-ish behavior.  And other kids aren't going to tattle lest they be the bully's next victim.

I hope that kid goes home and tells his mama that some crazy lady was yelling out her car window at him for no apparent reason.  I would be more than happy to explain it to her.  <insert maniacal grin here, complete with hand wringing>

There's no excuse for it. Period.

That is all I've got to say about that.

Torture Update--

We all survived the "torture" (aka testing) this week.  Emma, however, came down with some horrible 103 fever/sore throat/headache virus and, wouldn't you know, missed the second day of testing.  The HORROR.  She spent the day at the doctor having a strep test, chest x-ray and blood draw.  Negative strep and everything else looked alright. We did come away with an antibiotic though.  I think the doc was concerned about her rattle-y sounding lung.  She was able to return to school today and finish up the test.  Shwew!  Wouldn't want her to miss the "Precious" (a la LOTR's Golem) testing, now, would we?!  It's done for now...that is until late May, when they will have the second go round.  More on that later, I'm sure.

And now, I am off to begin the weekend...

And so it begins...another season of standardized torture, er, I mean, testing.  It makes me want to give a hearty Charlie Brown-esque AAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

So where was I??

I just get so annoyed with the whole process.  And have yet to understand the point.  My kids have been in school for some time now and it never gets less annoying.  Anyway, it's been a long while since I had a good rant here at the blog, so here goes...you have been warned!

My kids are stressed, y'all.  The school puts too much pressure on these kids.  The schools/school district/government/whoever...puts too much pressure on the teachers for their students to "perform".  And for what?  Some kids simply don't test well--cliche, yes, but it's a fact.  Some kids are not going to master certain subject matter whatever you do, however you teach it.  These kids don't know why they are taking these tests, only that they have to take them.  Don't get me wrong, I agree that tests such as the SAT and ACT, actually serve a purpose.  And when you are taking a college entrance exam, you know WHY.  When my kids ask me, "Mom, WHY do we have to take these tests?"  It's not an easy question for me to answer because I feel so strongly about it.  And I don't want my children not to care.  So I tell them that they are designed more to test your teacher than to test you.  I tell them to give their best effort and then don't give it another thought.  "But my teacher said I have to do well or, or, or..."  Or what?  This year, I chose to give my kids a sage piece of advice my dad once gave me..."In 20 years, who is going to know or care that you made a D in that class?" 

What?

Yes, 20 years ago, I, a student at Meredith College in Raleigh, North Carolina,  a preacher's kid, no less, made a D in Religion.  Go ahead and have a laugh at the irony.  It's okay.  At the time, I thought the world was going to cave in around my pretty little head.  Also, I knew my parents were forking out a ridiculous amount of moola for me to attend college and so that was stressful for me.  But when my dad said those words to me that day when I was so distressed, I learned that keeping things in perspective goes a long way toward keeping a girl sane. 

SIDEBAR:  Now, let me mention here, that "Dr. I-know-your-name-but-I'm-not-going-to-use-it-here", professor of Religion at Meredith College (a women's college with Baptist roots! <clears throat>) was a bespectacled, clog wearing, mustachioed, tweed jacket and khaki wearing, sitting on the front of his desk, atheist who in NO WAY should have been teaching a religion class.  Now that is my humble opinion.  But I sat there every class and had to listen to that man malign my personal belief system and tell me that the Holy Bible was nothing more than a historical work of fiction.  UGH!  (You are entitled to your own opinion about Jesus and the authenticity of the Bible, but please allow me that same courtesy.)

But I'm afraid I digress...

Anyway, that piece of advice from my dad really took a load off my shoulders.  And so I shared it with my kids..."In 20 years, no one is going to know or care how you scored on this test.  So, just keep it in perspective!" 

Yes, teachers and schools need to be held accountable for providing a fair and adequate education for our kids, but is this the right way?  And I'm not saying there should be no expectations of students to learn certain things.  Let's just suppose for a second, that these standardized tests are meant to assess how well the teachers are doing...

You can be the best teacher that ever walked the face of God's green Earth and your students may not "perform" to the "standard".  And even if they DO meet or exceed the standards, does that mean you have a good teacher on your hands?  What your students know or don't know, in my opinion, does not define how a good a teacher is.  A good teacher is defined by compassion.  Willingness to think outside of the box.  Flexibility.  Making learning fun and interesting.  NOT teaching to some test. 

I don't claim to have all the answers, but I do know this...there has to be a better way. 

But then, nobody ever consults me about these things. 

<steps down from soapbox>

Recently Emma has been studying the "roaring twenties", the "jazz age" and the depression/post-depression era at school.  She had to do a little project on it and needed some pictures to go along with some of the subject matter.  Here's a fun one I just wanted to share...

Perhaps these gals drove the "lips" to the liquor in the first place?  I'm just sayin'.  In fact, they are making me think I need a drink real bad...

Happy Friday!

"Stress is an ignorant state.  It believes that everything is an emergency."  ~Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind

 

A funny thing happened Friday morning on the way to...wait, I wasn't on the way to anywhere...I was just sitting at my desk, minding my own business (1st mistake), talking on the cellie (2nd mistake) to my dear friend Lisa.  Just chatting away about who knows what. When all of a sudden, I happened to swivel around in my swivelly desk chair only to see my neighbor's 4 year old son standing there.  RIGHT there.  Looking at me.  In his Superman PJ's no less...complete with cape.  HOLY COW...scared the living daylights out of me!!!  I let out a little scream and my friend must have thought something terrible had happened.  I mean, technically it WAS a home invasion, I suppose.  I was just a tad freaked out...reasonably so, doncha think?  I mean, I realize he is 4 and all, but dang!  He did TOTALLY sneak up on me.  He's lucky I didn't go all "MADEA" on him!  Don't people teach their children to KNOCK??? 

Anyway that little face looked up at me and said, "Can you get Peanut?" (Peanut Butter is the name of their roving orange tabby kitty who likes to jump the fence and torture my Jiffy.)  I said, "Does your mama know where you are?"  He said, "I need you to get Peanut back for me."  I realized that he was distressed because Peanut was in our yard.  So I tell him that Peanut comes to visit us from time to time and I was sure he'd jump the fence back into their yard whenever he got good and ready.  And then I escorted the young caped crusader out the back door, from whence he came. <That kid is so stinkin' cute>  As we exited the back door, I heard his mama hollering for him to get himself back home.  I watched him scale the fence and then I walked back in the back door.  And promptly locked it behind me.  I guess that'll teach me to leave the back door unlocked!

In other news...last night I was lying in bed watching the 11 o'clock news when I hear this story...

A Florida woman, unhappy with her drive-thru experience, calls 911, not once, but THREE TIMES, to report that the McDonald's restaurant is out of CHICKEN NUGGETS <Seriously???>, would not give her a refund and <oh the horror!> wants to give her a substitute meal.  {I mean, who among us hasn't had a fast food emergency?? But did WE call 911?  Noooooooo. We keep our craziness in check!}  As a result, the Po-Po were called and the woman was issued a citation for misuse of 911 services. 

I don't make this stuff up, people!!  I could NOT stop laughing.  Hubby, who was mostly asleep, kept asking me what was so funny. I was trying to tell him, but was unable due to all my snorting and crying.   He then informed me that I needed to be quiet and go to sleep.  It was so ridiculous, I just couldn't collect myself.

What have we learned here, my friends???

A. News stations are desperate for "news" apparently.

B. The word "emergency" is a relative term.

C. People are Kay - Ray - Zay!!!! 

and

D. These are the very stories that help us all feel better about ourselves.  So, KEEP 'EM COMING!

That is all I have to say about that.